So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Text me some of your sweat
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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