those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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