Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
