You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
