Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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