There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize