she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
