I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
