My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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