Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
