we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
