you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
