At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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