I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
