Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
