found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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