How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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