i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
