Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
