So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
