I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
