dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
