I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Semen is not good for contacts.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
