Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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