Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
