i need an iv and a liver transplant
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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