WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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