I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
