I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize