nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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