We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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