It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
