He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
