You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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