I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
