i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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