420 ftw
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize