some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
