During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
