thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
