Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
