3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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