You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
