You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
