you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize