You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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