it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How external is "for external use only"?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
