There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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