I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
