I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
