Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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