You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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