A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
