i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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