I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize