Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
