No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
