I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
