honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
