Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is it penis luge time yet?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
