Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
