I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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