as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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