the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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