Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
