He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
