Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
