Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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