Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
