Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
