dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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